Always set maximum and minimum negotiation goals
Human beings speak at a rate of between 150 and 180 words per minute but think at a much faster rate.
This mental traffic can interfere with the ability to listen, but listening is key to managing fractious encounters, a Law Society training seminar has heard.
‘Dealing with high-conflict personalities’ (21 May) was presented by Law Society Professional Training (LSPT) with funding from Skillnet Ireland and delivered by Henry Hely Hutchinson (Hely Hutchinson Training).
The course aimed to provide participants with skills to ensure others “move in your direction” in an appropriate, ethical and compliant manner, with a particular focus on situations involving conflict.
Speaking first about the importance of listening, Hely Hutchinson said that body language was key.
Correct pose and attitude
The correct pose and attitude not only set a tone with the interlocutor, but engage one’s own brain, as per the principle that “the mind affects the body, and the body affects the mind”.
Body language, including non-verbal and para-verbal messaging, such as gesture clusters and micro expressions, is also key to assessing the full message being transmitted.
Experts agree that there is no single gesture from which to identify lying, for example.
However, identifying clusters can be highly effective.
Deceit may sometimes be indicated by a cluster of gestures which combine self-soothing (face-touching or grooming such as hair or clothes touching) combined with defensive postures such as arm-crossing, leaning away, or hiding the hands.
Incongruence
Deception is also sometimes signalled by incongruence, such as a mismatch between verbal statements and physical movements, or a sudden decrease in natural hand gestures.
Good listening also requires eliminating listener bias, keeping topics on track, and testing understanding of a message through targeted questions.
Focus then turned to Dr Robert Cialdini’s laws of persuasion and influence, which Hely Hutchinson stressed needed to be used “in an ethical, appropriate and compliant manner to ensure win-win outcomes”.
Among the takeaways were that people are more likely to continue with a task if:
- They have been persuaded to do something small of the same type,
- The commitment is in writing, or
- If others, “particularly similar others” are doing it.
Each law worked in different situations, Hely Hutchinson said.
Another factor dealing with high-conflict situations and individuals is to understand one’s own conflict-handling style – competing, collaborating, avoiding, or compromising.
These too, or a combination of several, can work in different situations.
Broken-record technique
The training also looked at ways in which to practise assertiveness, the power of the “broken record technique”, and six keys to effective negotiation.
“The most important word in negotiation is ‘if’,” Hely Hutchinson said.
Strategies to include are setting maximum and minimum objectives, trading concessions rather than giving them, and not being afraid to walk away.
Although, the trainer added, there was little value in saying you would walk away without really meaning to do so.
The seminar ended with law-based role-plays designed to put theory into practice.